What is normal, anyway?
by Cassandra4
Summary: Duo and Heero argue and learn something about each other and themselves


Notes: This fic takes place while Heero and Duo are going to the same school fairly early in the series

Notes:This fic takes place while Heero and Duo are going to the same school early in the series.I don't own Gundam Wing or the characters.I own this fic, please don't post it anywhere without my permission.Oh yeah, in case you don't know, Shinigami is the god of death and what Duo calls himself in the Japanese version.

**_What is Normal, Anyway?_**

By Cassandra

Duo was leaning back in his chair with his feet propped up on the table, reading _1984_ for English class and listening to the sound of Heero typing in the next room.

"Done," he announced, snapping the book shut.He swung his legs down, tossed the book to the side, stood up and yawned.The typing noises continued.

"You know, it's really kind of unfair that we have to do homework," he said conversationally."I mean, as if the stress of being a Gundam pilot weren't enough, we have to worry about school, too?"

No response.Not that he'd expected one, but it would've been nice.

"I guess it could be worse, though," he continued, as if he were talking to someone who talked back."_1984_'s pretty cool.Creepy, but cool."

_Clickety-clickety-clack-clacka-clack_.

Duo sighed._What's the use?_ he wondered._I could have a better conversation with myself.Heck, I could have a better conversation with a freaking wall._He ambled over to the doorway and glanced inside.Heero was sitting rigidly with his hands at the keyboard, glaring at the screen."Hey, don't you have homework?"

"I did it while you were out wasting time."

Duo's eyebrows rose.A response.That was a pleasant surprise."Well, excuse me for trying to enjoy myself."

"We don't have time to enjoy ourselves."

"Oh yeah?Says who?" Duo shot back._Not the most intelligent response, but…_

"If you had any sense of responsibility at all, you would agree."

"Oh, really?" Duo said, now more than slightly irked."Well, it just so happens I _do_ have a sense of responsibility."

"Well, you certainly don't show it."

"And what's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Heero sighed, as if the burden of speaking were too much to bear."You constantly show off and make yourself conspicuous when you're supposed to be on a secret mission."

"You just don't get it, do you?" Duo said, half-amused, half-exasperated."You're being way more conspicuous than I am."

"I don't see how."

"By not being conspicuous," Duo responded.

"That doesn't make sense."

"The average red-blooded teenage boy goes out of his way to get noticed by his peers, particularly those of the opposite sex," Duo explained."It's unnatural to be so quiet all the time.I don't know what it's like on whatever planet _you're_ from, but that's how we do things on Earth."

"Technically, you're not from Earth either."

Duo was caught off-guard by the possibility of Heero making a joke.It was actually a pretty good comeback, but Duo doubted Heero saw this that way._He's so clueless, he wouldn't know a joke if it hit him on the head,_ Duo thought.He reflected briefly that alien jokes must have been a lot funnier before the Colonies were built, then resumed his conversation."Whatever.My point is, you're drawing a lot more attention to yourself than I am."

"If that's your point, you're conveying it rather badly."

"Geez, for someone so smart, you can sure be dense!" Duo complained."Listen, Heero._Everyone_ notices someone with secrets.If, after we're gone, OZ hears something about us, and they trace it back here, they'll start asking questions.When they ask about you, people will remember you as the guy with secrets, and that'll get OZ suspicious.Me?I'll just be that kid with the braid."

Heero didn't say anything.

Duo sighed."Look, I'm just saying it couldn't hurt to try acting a little more normal."

Heero stopped typing and looked at Duo."Do you think I know how?"

Duo was a bit shocked by Heero's tone.Underneath the usual monotone, there had been a trace of—sadness?Pain?"What—what do you mean?"

"Never mind," Heero said tersely, turning back to his computer.

"Heero?" Duo ventured.

Nothing.He'd lapsed back into silence.

Duo shook his head regretfully and started to leave the room._I was so close to getting him to open up, too,_ he thought in disappointment.He stopped suddenly._Wait a minute!I'll be darned if I give up now!_With new determination, he turned back to Heero."Come on, Heero."

"What do you want?" Heero asked.

The coldness in his voice tempted Duo to leave him be, but he stubbornly stayed._I'll be his friend if it kills me!_"I want to know what you meant."

"Why?"

"I don't know!" Duo said in exasperation."Because maybe it would help you.I don't know."

"Why do you care?"  
|"Because, like it or not, we're on the same side," Duo said."We're allies.And I like to help my allies if I can."

"I have no allies."

"Well, you're stuck with them."

"Who?"

"The other Gundam pilots!If you weren't so stubborn, maybe you could abandon your pride and see that!"

Heero slammed his fist angrily on the desk."This is all just a game to you, isn't it?It's all black and white, good versus evil, simple and clean-cut, right?"He didn't wait for a response."Why did you even become a Gundam pilot when you don't understand at all what it's about?"The instant he heard himself, he regretted saying it.

But Duo didn't yell at him as he had expected.Instead, his voice grew very quiet, dangerously quiet."Why?Because once upon a time, there was a little boy who lost everything he ever cared about to the war.He had to watch helplessly as all the people he loved died before his eyes.And do you know who that little boy grew up to be?"

Heero was silent.

"He became Shinigami."There was an unusual shine in Duo's eyes as he finished, but he blinked it away."I don't want that to happen to any more little boys.That's why I fight."

"Duo, I…"Heero began.He felt oddly ashamed."I'm sorry."The words were so foreign to his tongue.

Duo waved his apology away."Forget about it."He tried to force a grin."Well, now that I've revealed more about myself than I ever intended for anyone to know, I think the least you could do is answer my question.Well, what do you say?You going to tell me what you meant?"

Heero blinked."I forgot what I said."

Duo stared at him for a moment before laughing."You forgot, huh?"He shook his head."Well, let's see.I said it couldn't hurt to try acting a little more normal.You asked me if I thought you knew how, and then you wouldn't tell me what you meant."He looked at Heero expectantly.

Heero sighed."You're not going to let me go, are you?"

"Nope."

"I meant—" he started, then paused.For a moment, Duo was afraid he would refuse to answer, but he spoke again after only a brief silence."I meant that I couldn't be normal, even if I tried."

"How come?" Duo asked quietly.

"I've never been any different than I am now.At least," he hesitated, "I don't think so.This is how I was raised, I guess."

Duo nodded."Well, don't worry about it," he said breezily."After all, what is normal, anyway?"

"Normal isn't five teenagers piloting Gundams."

"I guess not," Duo admitted."Sometimes I wonder if we'll be able to do anything worthwhile, you know?If we can actually help anyone."

"Who knows?" Heero said."Maybe the only reason for me to keep fighting is because I can't live any other way.Maybe it doesn't really matter."

"Maybe not," Duo agreed.

The room was silent.Looking out the window, Duo could see teenagers on the street below.A boy called to his friends, and they stopped to wait for him.Another group was weighed down by binders and textbooks in their backpacks as they gossiped and giggled on their way to their hangout, wherever it was.A couple walked with linked arms, lost in their own private world.

"Heero?" Duo broke the silence.

"What?"

"Why'd you tell me all that stuff about yourself?"

Heero seemed troubled by this."I don't know."

He looked at Duo, and Duo saw for a moment eyes that must have been a mirror of his own.They weren't the eyes of a soldier or a hero.They were the eyes of a scared kid._That's all we are,_ Duo realized._Kids with our toys.Only we're not playing with blocks, but with killing machines.We're playing with human life.We're playing with death._

The thought chilled him, and then the ice came back into Heero's eyes and the moment was broken.Duo turned away, and Heero resumed his typing.

"I'm going out," Duo announced.

"Where?"

He shrugged."I don't know.Out.Out wasting time."

"You shouldn't be so irresponsible."

"I know."

He left the room, and a moment later Heero heard the door open and close.Heero was alone.He stopped typing and sighed. For a moment, he debated something, then finally shut down the computer. Slowly, he stood up, then walked out of the room and followed Duo out of the apartment.

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Notes:What did you think?Please e-mail me at [romancherubX@aol.com][1] and let me know!Don't forget, e-mail is chicken soup for the fanfic writer's soul!

Disclaimer:I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters, I only own this fic, please don't post it without my permission.

   [1]: mailto:romancherubX@aol.com



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